Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
