I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
