i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
