Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
