I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize