i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
