Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
