I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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