you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
