Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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