This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
