I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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