Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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