just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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