I need help removing her.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
