i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
