He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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