i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
