so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
