he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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