so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
