the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think I sprained my soul last night
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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