She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
