Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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