the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
