I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
