When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
