i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
