She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
