Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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