When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
