hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
