Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
