She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
