found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
