Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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