billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
No subtext here. People are naked.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just pee around me
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
