I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize