that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
