We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
