At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
