Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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