You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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