btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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