I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
