there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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