So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude i'm inner monologue high
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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