yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
