Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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