she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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