My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
