a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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