I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
