I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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