someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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