I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I smell like Dick and happiness
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
