he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
