He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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