WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
