my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
