There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
