It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
