omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
