I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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