I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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