moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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