i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
