What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
