Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
