btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You took a bar mat shot.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
