Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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