You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
