so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
