moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
