from now on my penis is your penis
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize