I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
