The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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