mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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