Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
