I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
