they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
